You are stuck. Cannot escape. It’s dark and wet with the sun starting to dawn. You settle down after another day of self-hate. What is it you want? Something that is constantly asked, yet no answer. Constantly knocking on the door wanting to be let in, and your still our in the cold. Freezing, just yourself alone to die. Suffering is the only thing known. Suffering is peace. Suffering is home, and there is no other way.
I know that this is irrational, however, it cannot yet but help feel this constant way with no escape. The loops and loops that run and run in a circle making one feel like they are going insane compared to the outside world. Being able to see clearly was nothing but a myth, a dream that I cannot awake from. The torment that my mind plays on me is endless, endless, endless. I want to die, lay here and just die. I cannot escape this reality that is mine and mine alone.
What am I to do? Is there anything to do? Do I want to do anything? No. I don’t want anything, nothing at all. There is nothing on the inside of me that wants to fight or even to live. Wasting away from the inside out. Forgetting about myself, within myself.